Sorry I'm Not Sorry

I'm 25 (almost), I socialize with my friends, I have two best friends and our friendships are entirely different and so wonderful in their own ways, I have guy friends- no I do not want to date them-any of them, sometimes I make poor decisions, I have my Masters degree and Bachelors degree, I have a job, I live with my parents, I try not to be dramatic-but it's in my blood I think, I will always watch the Disney Channel.  I'm pretty open about my life and know I'm not perfect, however, most adults who know me, especially my parents, would say I'm mature for my age and am very responsible.  SO when some middle-aged man, who has NEVER met me or even spoked with me, judges me I do not take this kindly. 

I'm pretty sure in elementary school, maybe middle school we learn about stereotypes.  I'm also pretty sure when learning about stereotypes we learn it's not a good practice to use them.  SO when I'm being stereptyped for being a young girl who must be a huge partier and has baby daddy drama I don't take this lightly.  If this middle-aged man would have cared to speak with me I'm fairly certain he would learn that yes I am a young girl, but I'm also a young girl who has previously lived in her own rented apartment, has no baby daddy drama, has a job that puts her Masters degree to use, and pays her bills on time, since she has been raised by two competant parents who engraved *paying bills is important* into her head.  I have little tolerance for people who act like they know everything in the world but yet cannot use proper grammar in every day conversation (**I know I don't have the BEST grammar, but I'd like to think it's better than most...this could be it's own ranting, venting blog).

So please, prove to me how uneducated you are by judging me before you meet me or even speak with me. 

Sorry I'm not sorry, I needed to vent.

Saint Bonaventure University

Most people who know me also know that I graduated from Saint Bonaventure University in 2009 with my Bachelors degree in Cheerleading, wait no, in Spanish and Political Science (yes I did study).  I loved it there, in fact, I still love it there. So when I moved home, back to Falconer, NY, I took every chance to go to a Bonas home game.

One of my best friends and I made the 45 minute trip and sat in the student section (behind the basket--i know, the boring student section, but we were also there to watch our cheer girls and this was the best place for that). We cheered loudly all season.  During the St. Joe's game in the Reilly Center we both shed a few tears, so incredibly happy that we were not only going to the conference games, but had a bi week.  Our senior year we were just happy to cheer the boys on at the first round game in Atlantic City.  Now we knew we would at least be playing in the second round!

After the great win over UMASS in the semi-final game I looked at my mom with tears in my eyes hoping my dad, also a proud bona alum, would take me to Atlantic City to watch bonas play for the championship and auto-bid into the NCAA dance, the only way bonas would get a bid.  Dad said no, BUT MOM SAID YES! We made the 7 hour trip Saturday night, watched the game Sunday afternoon, and were back in Falconer by 11:30pm that night. PHEW!

The Championship game was oustanding.  I rarely sat in my seat.  Mostly I was jumping up and down screaming at the top of my lungs "LET'S GO BONAS" and high fiving the '08 bona grads who were sitting in front of us.  This day I will remember forever. 

Since the game on Sunday I have smiled and cried numerous times when speaking or even just thinking about St. Bonaventure.  I just kept remembering how cool it is that I not only attended classes with some of the guys on the team but I might actually even consider some of them friends, or maybe just guys I see out at the OP and I know who they are and they recognize me and buy me a drink or two. Either way, this feeling is amazing, and I'm not ready for it to end.

FSU (3) vs. St. Bonaventure (14) THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED!! FSU is having a great season, and an even better end to their season/post-season.  Some people believe they could win it all. Bonaventure is the definite underdog here and have their work cut out for them.  People forget that this is COLLEGE basketball and the players are playing with HEART.  Bonaventure has the heart and the loyal fans on their side.  I know there is nowhere else I would rather be right now then in Nashville, TN, but paying back student loans says otherwise. boo.

So now, as I sit here and type this, through blury eyes from tearing up, and in my St. Bonaventure Bonnies A-10 Champions t-shirt (purchased in Atlantic City MINUTES after the game ended) and brown and gold bow from my cheerleading uniform senior year, I am preparing myself for the game that is less than an hour away. 

I do love a good fairy tale, and am in need of a good one today! Ready for a Cinderella story written about the BONNIES!

Why not us? If we're in it, we are in it to win it! Let's go Bonas!!  

"The Bawn-ies are b-yack, baby!" Coach Mark Schmidt

The Violet

I found this 50 question survey about yourself from the online magazine, The Violet. I found this very thoughtful :)

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? 20 ? haha that's how old most people think i am when they look at me, I have a baby face :)
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? I believe this is because we are all too concerned with what other people think of us and therefor we do things to make others like us even if we don't like it.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I hope not. I hope I do all the things I say I will/want to do.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?  More love less hate.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Dancing.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? Currently, settling, while I'm living at home, working for my parents, I'm settling, but I won't be for long, I refuse to have this be my life.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? Nothing, except I'd probably already be married and have children by now haha
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? I haven't had much control so far...that needs to change.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Equally both.  I try to do the right thing for myself and others, but I also have this fear of not living up to expectations so I find myself trying to do things right rather than doing the right things.  This is something I'm glad I can recognize so I can fix it and always do the right thing. It's a work in progress :)
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? When I was 16 I would have sat there, saying nothing. Now, however, I would say something.  When I read this question I thought about my two best girl friends and what I would do if people were criticizing them, I wouldn't be able to sit there and allow it to happen, I love them too much.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Live your life to the fullest, be careful but take risks, and sometimes it's okay to cry.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yes.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? Yes. My dad has a friend who is schizophrenic...he paints beautiful paintings and sells them.  My dad has purchased numerous of these paintings, and I used to think they were just random paint strokes on a canvas, but after learning more about him and his paintings I realize now that each painting has a story behind it.  The painting of his I have in my bedroom is a heart and if you look closely you can see it has been pieced back together because it was a heart that has been broken but has healed and can love again.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Fall in love with something every day.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? People are different.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? Get a tatoo. My father would kill me. No really, he would.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Yes.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? I would move to Spain. I studied there while in undergrad, and fell in love with the country, the culture, the people, everything.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? haha, yes I do push it more than once even though I know it won't come any faster.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Joyful simpleton. I choose happiness.
22. Why are you, you? Because if I weren't me, who else would be ?
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Yes, I try to be the friend I would want in every friendship, sometimes I fail, and sometimes I WIN !
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch with a good friend who lives near.  One of the saddest things I think, is losing touch with someone who lives where you do, and it speaks volumes of a friendship when one person moves away but the relationship never fades.
25. What are you most grateful for? My life, and the journey it has taken me on so far.
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? Oh my, this one is tough. I guess I would choose to never be able to make new ones, only because I love all of the memories I already have and can never relive any of those moments.
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? Yes, for me anyway.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? Not yet, but I have a lot of fears.
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? Yes I remember, it mattered then, but it does not matter now.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? Playing in the tree fort with my sisters. We called it the Apple factory because they were apple trees and we pretended we were actually in production.
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? New Years 2012 weekend. I was around great people and had a wonderful time without feeling like any of us had anything to prove. We were just great friends spending quality time together.
32. If not now, then when? No, now, always now. Don't wait on something or someone you love.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? Ntohing. Take chances.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Oh yes.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? I don't know and I would love to understand why.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? I think so. Evil can only disguise itself as good for a short period of time, the truth will come out.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? No.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work I enjoy doing.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Yes.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? I don't have an answer...at least not at this point in my life.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? As many people who I love as I possibly could.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? No, I like the person I am.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Believe alive is breathing. Truly living is having love, happiness, family, and being yourself, doing what you want.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? When you know in your heart what is right for you.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? No one wants to admit they are wrong, or have made a wrong decision, and a mistake is just that. It's only after the mistake has been made that I can look back and learn from it, but that doesn't mean i want to make the mistake in the first place.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Shop way more often and spend way more money hahahaha
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Last night while I was trying to fall asleep.
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love love. Yes, I love with my whole heart and immediately.  If I know you, I probably love you in some way, unless you've done something to scar me.  Lately, I have been spending more time with my closest friends and family to remind myself and them of the love I have for them, whether they know it or not.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? No, until something life altering happens, like a marriage proposal, or my wedding, or the birth of my future child one day, I will not remember the details of day to day life, just that they happened.
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? A little bit of both. I let what people will think of my decisions alter my choices. I am trying to stop that.

friends.

Friends.
Good friends.
Best friends.
Frenemies.
Acquaintances.
Old friends.
New friends.
Ex-friends.
Boyfriends.
Girlfriends.

Everyone has friends.  Everyone has many different kinds of friends. Sometimes good friends turn into best friends or even boyfriends or girlfriends, and sometimes best friends turn into frenemies, or even ex-friends.

What makes two people go from being good or even best friends to ex-friends or acquaintances? It's terribly sad.  There must be a breaking point though...it can be that simply distance makes a friendship fail, but I don't believe that because one of my very best friends and I went away to college and saw each other maybe twice during those four years and we are just as close, if not closer now.  I believe something has to happen.  Not necessarily a fight, maybe just a different opinion on a certain subject, or maybe lives just go in different directions and one gets left behind.  However it happens, it's sad.  That's all there is to it, it's sad.  The even sadder part, that I've come to notice, sometimes after one friend gets OUT of a relationship where the couple had a mutual friend, those friendships deteriorate. Maybe not immediately, or even with both people in the relationship, but eventually there is a loss of friendship.  Even sadder, the initial friends are sometimes the ones whose friendship doesn't last, and this new person who was brought into their lives through a relationship remains friends and simply takes them away. Maybe that's life ?

I love my friends, I would do almost anything for them at almost any given time. However, when I have "friends" who blatantly disregard my feelings and make me feel like the one in the wrong or make me feel like I'm over reacting or being dramatic, sorry sweetie, our friendship is speeding down hill at an increasing rate and you have no idea it's even happening until it's going to be too late.

NOT my favorite things...

cold weather

stomach aches

my shows NOT being new

mornings

snow

my sister's going back to school/work

texting first

Doctor appointments

favs.

pink nail polish

thanksgiving eve

moon brook

cabernet

sisters being home :)

peace signs

sparkly shoes

Life.

Because it’s not just about moving forward. It’s about ending up in the right place.

these are a few of my favorite things...

blue sky

straight, soft hair

watching movies in a warm blanket

kissing hello

kuhlua and vanilla ice cream

Practical Magic

favs

Bonaventure basketball games

my new red hair

pink starburst

glee night

my purple pumps

new eye makeup

11:11 on 11.11.11

throwback mountain dew

Coach bags
Kate Spade pink eye glasses
twitter

Marilyn Monroe

I have a mild obsession with Marilyn Monroe.  For Christmas not one, but two of my three sisters got me a Marilyn book.  Also, my cousin, who was my secret santa, bought me a coffee mug with a Marilyn quote...clearly my obsession is public.  I have started a small collection of Marilyn items in my apartment, and plan to continue. 

Lately I have been wondering why this obsession started.  At first, I think it was for the same reason everyone who loves her, loves her...she was a beautiful successful actress, I don't agree with everything she did, like have an affair with multiple men, buuuut for the most part I thought her life was magnificent.

Now, I think the obsession continued growing because I sort of relate to her.  She only ever played the dumb blonde role because that's all her managers and directors would allow her to do, she was good at it, why change something that was working, right? Although, she wasn't dumb, she was actually quite intelligent.  Well, a lot of people only think of me as a dumb blonde. I'm not dumb, nor am I naturally blonde. Anyway, I do tend to put on a show and hide the real me from time to time.  A little while ago I was talking with one of my best friends and she said to me that many people have asked her why she is friends with me since I am so flighty.  This really upset me, I wanted to scream, "KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!" but I clearly didn't. Marilyn played a dumb blonde and people thought that was all she was...I put up walls and not allow people to see the real me, which sometimes comes off as a dumb blonde.  Fortunately, I know it's an act, I'm not really dumb, and honestly, I don't really care if someone thinks otherwise...get to know me, then you will see I'm not so flighty. "I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't." Marilyn Monroe. I love finding a Marilyn quote that fits my life <3

"It's all make believe, isn't it?" Marilyn Monroe

I have been pondering the idea of how much of what we believe is true and how much is acutally just make believe.  I'm not talking about faith here, because I know everyone has a different idea and belief about God, and that is their own choice and belief, I choose to believe in God, and that is one thing I am sure is true.

Now now, I am not going to just sit here and write about faith, because that is not what I have been thinking about.

Instead, I have been thinking more along the lines of fairy tales.  Growing up little girls were taught that one day they will grow up, fall in love, and live happily ever after. Well what if that never happens? What if you met the guy you were supposed to fall in love with, but he was a frog at the time, and you went for the prince instead, who ironically, was a toad?! Now what? Is there a different guy you are going to fall in love with and live happily ever after with? or are you S.O.L.???

Then there is the whole idea that a girl gets two great loves in her life (a la, Sex in the City/Hollywood).  Well, what if use up your two great loves and let them both go, or they let you go. Are you done? Do you have to say goodbye to your dreams of finding your soul mate and living happily ever after?

I want the fairy tale ending, I am the first one in line to tell the world that there is such a thing, and you just have to wait.  I really do believe this, it was hard for me to remember this a short time ago, ahem, October 2010, not such a fun month, but I have to remember not to base my whole life on it, and you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your real prince.

As for the two great loves, how do you truly know that a "love" was a "great love"? Obviously it couldn't have been so great if it ended without the fairy tale ending, so I am here to tell Hollywood, that, no, there is not two great loves of every girls life, there is one, the one that you fall in love with and live happily ever after with. That is not make believe-it's real life, the make believe part is being a cartoon, or falling in love after two minutes of meeting.

Yes, I realize I am have an optimistic point of view on love and life, so don't rain on my parade. If you don't agree, that's okay, just like faith, you can believe whatever you want.

favs :)

It has been awhile since I have written, mostly because I had nothing to write about.  haha.  I have had no major epiphanies or break throughs about life, and all I do is go to work or school.  So, I have decided to just list some of my favorite things (yes, stolen from Sarah Trostle)

-snuggling in a warm blanket

-kissing

-holding hands

-Marilyn Monroe

-flamingos

-sunshine

-42 Hickory

-the leaves changing colors in the fall

-walking in the rain

-sweat pants

-getting flowers

-guys who can sing (to me)

-sleeping in the middle of the day

-Glee

-dark nail polish

-getting mancures

-shopping

-chap stick

ooooh i don't want to grow up...

So-today I registered for my last semester of classes EVERRRRR!! I am over the top excited because I am so sick of school. 

Last Thursday and Friday I traveled to Baltimore to interview with Marriott for their Manager Development Program.  If I get in they could send me anywhere in the US!! I am hoping they choose to send me to New York City.  Even though, if you know me, I hate the cold and could not wait to get to Florida to get away from it, but I think it would be amazing to live in NYC, at least while I'm young.  I want to live in as many cities as possible before I settle down and have a family.  Which, is good for the Hospitality industry because people are constantly getting relocated. 

All of this last semester and new career talk has been making me realize that I am growing up.  I don't want to.  This year I might not be able to go home for Thanksgiving, and that  makes me sick.  I don't want to give up the holidays.  I have been spoiled all my life in that I have been able to be home with my family for every holiday (except for one new years eve I spent in Argentina).  I have been listening to Taylor Swift's new album and one song is about not growing up, and it almost makes me cry every single time I listen to it. 

That's all for now- nothing else exciting has been happening to me lately. boo.


"...que sera sera..."

In New York....

I just got back to Florida from my trip home to New York.  It was soooo fun! and very eventful.  I didn't have enough time in the day to do everything I wanted, so I sacrificed some sleep.  The only thing I regret is not seeing enough of Ganna :( So anyway, I will give you a run down of the weekend.

Wednesday: flight home-played with the puppy :)-dinner with my mama and the peeps <3 then out with Nicky (my big brotherrr) Lisa and Sarah.

Thursday- got a MASSAGE! best thing in the world- went to the Athenaeum Hotel to see the GM but he was not there, so I chatted with some other friends- dinner at bonaventure with Abbie (pooter) and then drinks with the old cheer ladies- home to hang out with some of my favs from highschool :)

Friday- MANICURE!!! back to the Athenaeum to really see the GM- home to get ready for Buffalo.  Left for b-lo with Sarah and Nicky-got to see Jena :))) went out in Buffalo for the bar crawl with some lovlies :)

Saturday- after only three hours of sleep, went to Edinboro to see Kourtney :) went shopping with mama and Kait. Dinner at FORTE with the fam (PHENAMENOL) Hung out with Ganna and Monica :) best comination of people ever --me, mon, ganna--perfect if sarah would have been involved as well (eight boob club)

Sunday- lunch at grammy's.  football with ganna. mall with ganna and lisa. sushi with ganna and lisa. pack/clean with sarah. sleep. PHEW!!

I had a pretty packed weekend.  I will go into detail a little better later. Too tired right now.


"...que sera sera..."

...things just got interesting...

So, I mentioned before that I interviewed at Loews Hotel in Miami Beach and I GOT THE JOB! woooo I am officially employed.  However, I also made it to the final round of interviews for the Marriot Manager in Training program, so that's great too!

I am traveling back home to good ol' upstate New York on Wednesday.  I am sure I will freeze.  Today in Miami I was cold because it was a nice breezy 79 degrees outside. I am turning into a true Floridian.  Don't scoff just yet, there was very little humidity so it didn't feel that hot, and it has been in the 90's lately, so dropping 10 degrees is a little drastic.  Anyway, I have a packed weekend in NY ahead of me!  I get in on Wednesday afternoon and will prob just hang out, but Thursday I will more than likely be seeing as many people as I can, Friday I am going to Buffalo for the Buffalo bar crawl with Sarah and her sisterrrrr and Saturday I am going to see my baby sister Kourtney and older sister Kait at a football game at Kourn's school.  Whew.  And that doesn't even count the late night chats with Ganna that I am sure will occur and Sunday at Grandma's with the cousins.  Home gets crazy for me since I'm only there for a little while and not that often. 

I still haven't decided on my Halloween costume just yet..the jury is still out on either Marilyn or a Flamingo...it could go either way at this point....ahhh I need someone to make this decision for me!!!!


"...que sera sera..."

rain rain go away

Tropical storm Nicole has made her presence in South Florida.  It rained literally all day on Wednesday and part of the day on Thursday.  I think she has passed by though, thank goodness!!!  Although I was forced to walk around South Beach on Wednesday in the rain due to an interview I had a Loews Hotel.  I'll update when I hear something!

If anyone ever tells you that you are not good enough, then he or she is actually the one who is not good enough for YOU.  No one should have the ability to make another person feel as though they are not a worthy enough person for whatever reason, and people who do are clearly not happy with their own lives and need to push down on others.  Whew..I needed to get that out!

I'm making a trip back home to good ol' upstate New York in two weeks!! I'm ready for some craziness!  Also, I am looking forward to the fall weather.  I love not having cold weather here in Miami, but I do on occasion like the smell of autumn.  Also, I like the fashion that comes along with cooler weather :)

For halloween I'm thinking of two things...Marilyn Monroe (because she is my idol) of a FLAMINGO (because I LOOOOVE them) let me know your thoughts!

"que sera sera..."

Life as I knew it...

I am going to give this blog thing a try, I think my life is pretty interesting so I'll give it a shot.  I just moved to Miami, FL to finish my Masters degree and am loving life.  The weather however is not so great, we are currently in a tropical storm warning.  I don't understand how people here are all so calm about it! I am freaking out!! Hopefully it will quickly pass and we can get back to the beautiful beach weather that I moved here for. 

I have been through some rough changes in the past few months.  After I moved back to Miami I realized how much I really like living at home with all of my friends and family.  Also, my boyfriend of over four years and I broke up.  We planned our lives together, we had plans, and now they are over.  With a little fighting on my end of not wanting to end it I quickly came to the realization that we were not good together, we were actually quite toxic.  Our relationship turned into a constant fight and neither of us were happy.  Unfortunately, I had poured my heart and soul into our relationship and was heart broken when it ended.  I don't know if I believe in love anymore.  At least not that kind of love.  How can I love someone who has the ability to make me feel as horrible as I do.  I used to believe in the fairy tale ending, and now I think that will never happen to me.  Maybe I used up all of my loves that I am allowed in life :-/  I don't know.

I am not in a good place in my life right now.  I know I have friends both in Miami and at home who love me and only want the best for me, and my family will always be there for me, but I am alone and do not know what to do with my life.  I need a break from my own life.

"que sera sera..." one of my favorite quotes that I am trying really hard to remember and live by.